Friday, 22 October 2010


The only advice I can give to anyone, is to be aware. To try and be conscious of as much as possible at any given moment.
The external environment, the sky, the weather, the pressure, the temperature, the presence or absence of light, air, colours, sounds, smells, tastes, every object, animal and person and their relative position, people's appearance, movements, language, feelings and moods, their reactions to things, people and you.

The continuously incoming energy that keeps you alive, oxygen, light, sustenance. The function of your organs, muscles and bones. Your motor and sensory movements, seeing, smelling, breathing, eating, walking, talking. The flow of nutrients in your blood stream, of essence in your lymphatic system, of electrical potentials in your nervous system. The stream of matter that is translated by sensory organs into perception. How it all connects in your brain, how it all seems to work without thinking.
Your every thought, emotion, reaction and decision. The way you separate the outside world from the inside world, the way you distinguish yourself from other people. How you can recognise patterns, sense time, store and recall memories, focus on a particular action, separate perceptions into discrete categories, create mental imagery and physical artefacts, process numbers and derive meaning. The obsession with the whys and hows.

The formation of culture and language and how they influence thought and sense-perception.  The comprehension of words and concepts as artefacts, and the distinction between genetic knowledge and cultural knowledge. The history of your ancestors, the evolution of your species.
The movement of the earth, moon, and planets, the sun, the stars and intermixing galaxies and superclusters and universes ahead.
The communication between every cell of your body, the chemical reactions within, the production of proteins and sequences of nucleic acids.
The interaction of the molecules that make you up, the atoms that hold you together, the veil of quarks underneath and the unknown abyss that lies beneath. The mathematical nature of these symbols, the symbolic nature of mathematics.

The actuality of an infinite number of processes that can be perceived at any given moment, by any given sensing mechanism. The actuality of an infinite number of processes beyond perception and consciousness.

How all the above interconnect and overlap each other; all connecting nodes, synapses of a massive mind. Soon everything becomes a seamless experience, a continuous flow of life. This Flow you will witness yourself perhaps as an overwhelming giant river, a torrent that rushes from infinity into infinity, an inspiration. Continuously changing and evolving, its overlapping concepts reproducing and multiplying, dense in hyper-information. The Big Bang. A message zipping through a cable made out of crystalline textures, shimmering unto each other; the gushing of nutrients through the blood stream or the synaptic code that sweeps through a mind it creates. A loop, a continuous flow of data interpretation, a continuous reiteration, reinterpretation, explication, expression, rehashing, reflection, reordering, reconstruction of the same thing. Pure (meaningless) meaning.

Tuesday, 31 August 2010

Self-remembering log

Fragments from my log of self-remembering and day reversal techniques:

5 May 2010 09:27

The waking up exercise
Remember to remember
Bring thoughts to back of brain to dispel them
Thoughtlessness gives a natural high of waking upness
Awake and conscious
Stopping the continuous blabbing of the voice of the machine
There's a difference between conscious thinking and mechanical automatic thinking
Conscious thinking is creative whereas automatic thinking is repetitive monotonous and does not yield any results


11 Jun 2010 20:21

Incoming sensory data
Do not judge
Do not be attracted or repulsed
Accept and let go
Do nothing


2 June 2010

Breaking free from cultural stereotypes

Cultural artifacts

a result of self remembering is the conscious distinction between cultural artifacts and natural objects. There is also a growing awareness of the cultural interpretation of natural objects and the realisation that cultural artifacts are reconfigured, manipulated or otherwise coded natural objects and phenomena. This results in the need to break free from the cultural point of view but...


21 June 2010

If self remembering leads to thoughtlessness, then thoughtfulness leads to self remembering. The continuous effort to be aware of my thought processes has led me to a perpetual state of meta thinking. I become an observer of my thoughts and then an observer of the observer and so on, in the vain of the classic humunculus paradox. But there's something else, the rigorous questioning and rethinking of my thoughts is leading to a conceptual breakdown, and behind this veil of concepts and ideas there's a new viewpoint that goes beyond any cultural conditioning, a true objective- subjective experience. There's a need to distinguish between cultural perceptions and archetypal DNA symbolism, but also to recognise where these two intersect.

Is the shutting out of cultural perceptions the first step towards an advanced state of perception? Or should cultural precepts be integrated and accepted as part of the evolutionary path? DNA awareness is definitely the next step after neurosomatic and synaptic awareness.

20 Jul 2010 17:28
Review of the day. Each evening, going backwards through the day recalling its events, its sequential unfolding (experienced here reversed in time), the people one has met, etc.
20 Jul 2010 17:14
In imaginative cognition, the meditant aims to achieve thinking independent of sensory perception through concentration on either visual forms of symbolic significance never encountered in the sensory world (e.g. a black cross with a circle of seven red roses superimposed upon it), metamorphoses (e.g. the growth cycle of a plant from seed to mature flower), or mantric verses spoken aloud or silently (e.g. verses for each week of the year intended to connect the meditant with the rhythms of nature).
In inspiration, the meditant seeks to eliminate all consciously chosen meditative content to open a receptive space in which objective spiritual content (impressions stemming from objective spiritual beings) may be encountered. The meditative activity established in imaginative cognition is set forth without concrete content.
The stage of intuition is achieved through practicing exercises of will (e.g. reviewing the sequence of the day's events in reverse order).[6] At this stage, the meditant seeks unity with the creative forces of the cosmos without any loss of his or her individualized consciousness.

21 Jul 2010 12:27

Integrate all experiences internal and external
Eliminate all negativity internal and external - all Negs big and small, seek them out, understand them and assimilate
Composure find peace and balance of emotion, radiate warmth and security, calm smile
Self remembering, state of wakefulness and control of thought, conscious awareness of cultural meme, sensory and genetic influences. Reduction of unnecessary linguistic thinking
Open clear path to objective truth and data from beyond sensory world
Follow creative and inspirational pursued, use memes to communicate and contribute to clarification and resolution of culture - continuous harmonious access to creative sources of inspiration
Discover and resolve ongoing patterns and cycles, continuously refer to past experiences to prevent repetition of mistakes- learn, evolve. This van be achieved by daily reviews, yearly overviews, constant self reflection and self remembering
Develop effortless patience, impartiality and acceptance

17 Aug 2010 09:36
The self illusion

The notion of self probably arose with the appearance of Machiavellian intelligence somewhere between the emotional and rational stages - thinking as an individual could have been an evolutionary advantage in an increasingly social existence

I: the empirical self
a congregation of stored experiences, impressions and acquired memes

Cultural- linguistic statements
Verbs, separation. Fragmentation, objectification, individuation

I. Me, you, he, she, us, them, they
I am, I like, I want, I desire, I believe, I need

21 Aug 2010 14:28
Personality alterations

Enter a state of flexible personality

Be always consciously aware of the moment

Be consciously aware of all the energies in play, the cosmic background of any given moment

Always remember that anything and everything perceived consciously or subconsciously is a manifesting concept. An idea within a universal mind machine

Be able to alter bodily functions at will

Understand and dissolve or channel emotions on the spot

Basically live the now

Recognise, Deconstruct or dissolve the various conflicting cultural tensions that comprise Faux ego

Discover the true self beyond cultural conditioning, beyond language

Inner stillness, realisation of temporary attachment without detachment

Control of all functions - meta programming

Self- Reflectivity, reaching the bounds of molecular experience, the final physical loop, reaching infinity, mind seeing itself

State of no self, emptiness, void, Buddhahood

Absurdity of language and mathematics, nonsensical reality, collapse of reality

Ability to construct, deconstruct and reconstruct reality tunnels at will, consciously

21 Aug 2010 13:21
Deconstruction regime
Cultural tensions to be dissolved
Language based drama
Emotional knots from cultural drama
Classic logic
Linguistic knots and thought patterns
Linguistic thinking
Linguistic communication
Cultural skin judgement
Behavioral judgement
Cultural aesthetic judgement
Cultural norms for living
Genetic dispositions
Raw sensory data
Emotions from genetic drama
Aesthetic genetic judgement
Energy replenishment - negative entropy - survival

Replication, reproduction

25 Aug 2010 18:37
Day reversal is imperative in deconstruction - self remembering

It helps to identify behavioral and reality patterns

To untangle memetic knots, both linguistic and visual

Brings to surface invisible influences, imprints and access points to deeper neural processes

It offers a unique temporal perspective that allows for an overview of experience as intra personal, transpersonal and post personal

31 Aug 2010 09:15
The obvious result of self remembering is the realisation that there is no self. It strips off bit by bit the layers of cultural conditioning, sensory perceptions, interceptions, linguistic constructs, thoughts, personality, identity, genetic makeup, molecular makeup. It is basically an empirical version of deconstructivism. Liberating as it may feel, with each layer shed there is the discovery of a new one, and old layers are quick to re-emerge if one does not actively and continuously work on reversal and deconstruction. Now, in a post molecular state, the layer of atoms is ahead and is perhaps the last and most elusive layer of the personal self. How can one break the very fabric of space and yet continue living. The atomic conditioning. The ultimate break down of individuality.

Saturday, 21 August 2010

I, not

It is not me that's acting
For there is no me
It is not I that's thinking
For there is no I
A mere congregation of memories
a bundle of neurons
a dissonant orchestra of chemical reactions
a continuous conflict between
Genetic and cultural tensions
a random expression of genetic potentials
a machine with an evolution-induced persistent illusion of a consistent self
And now semi aware of the death of a self that never was,
This temporal construct mourns for something it never had

Saturday, 31 July 2010


(series of fragmented but very intense channelings 5-29 June)

Culture and DNA archetypes

Anything created by humans be it a functional object, an aesthetic object, a discipline or a mental system is a cultural artifact. All creations of humans start from the perception of sensory data as external to the individual. Where pre-cognitive sensory perception may be almost identical in most humans, what happens at the processing and conceiving stages may be extremely unique. The memories (including experience in logical thinking) accumulated over time together with the random genetic code is what causes an original reaction to the stimuli perceived. When we go down to the bare bones of the genetic code though, the same patterns emerge, not only across humans but all organisms based on this system. Taking DNA for example, a unit of code is thought to be a combination of the 3 nucleic acids, and there are 64 known units. The emergent code then, is a pattern of these basic units of information. It is not too far fetched to deduce that these 64 units are the archetypes of all DNA-based experience. These archetypes possibly lay down the foundation of the basic mathematical experience of living organisms. Each of these units could represent an essential mathematical rule upon which all life is based on. This ultra compact source of information is translated in the various stages of RNA, before unfolding into complex proteins that transfer instructions to the rest of the body.

Cultural existentialism

What lies behind elementary particles? Does the perception of self-awareness signify consciousness or is it a cultural illusion? Is it possible to escape linguistic symbolisms, and access a perception-free objective reality? Is reality possible without a perceiving or symbol-making mechanism? Are the words truth, consciousness, or any laryngeal code arbitrary cultural artifacts?

I could go on forever, but it seems I'm returning back to the conclusion I came to years ago, language (and the cultural memes it creates) is the main culprit for our existential crisis. It forces the mind into loops, it's limiting, yet so essential to our evolution. Language is laryngeal- manual, meaning that is not just a code created out of primate grunts, but also a code that stems from cultural artifacts and constructs. Although these lingual-cultural codes developed for communicative and social reasons, they came to envelop and permeate all human understanding. It is obvious that language shapes perception, and that language reveals truth. Laryngeal manual language can show truths about the culture it originates from and can make sense of the world in a practical day to day basis. It enables individuals to share (crudely) truths, ideas, emotions and concepts. It shapes the way people live in and perceive their world but also facilitates the movement of thought and creation of neurolinguistic connections. It is doubtful whether a human being can fully escape the symbol-based artifact-making realm of language.

The post-modernist condition signifies the same linguistic looping that occurs within the brain – culture is reaching its limits and is looping back on itself. If it continues like this it will reach a state of maturity and saturation, a global culture that integrates and churns up all sub-cultures into an undifferentiated pulp of the human collective. It is is the age of intertextualism and hypertextualism, of complex connections of cultural references and over-saturation of cultural artifacts. It is leading to the melding of culture into a single living post temporal entity giving the ability to view culture as a whole; understanding its history, accepting all of its components and recognising the archetypal elements that make up the cultural code. It may eventually grow out of the laryngeal-manual phase, and become a culture that recognises as its only truth the DNA within its cells and its genetic history. A collective that is conscious of the archetypes generated by DNA and which understands their evolution and source. DNA and organic compounds in general will become the new language that will define the next generation of culture- the culture of genetics. New genetic codes will be conceived, while people will communicate in strings of amino acids. Truth will become genetic, until it is replaced by the language of particles and quarks.

Post- perception

Enlightenment is really about a new state of perception. There is a limit to what we can understand and perceive, and that limit is dictated by our cultural and linguistic systems but also our current biology. Both limiting as they are, they're also our only tools of evolution, and they also appear to have the capacity for progress. Biology defines culture, but culture shapes and moulds biology. Culture is of course a layer of biology, a program created by complex biological hardware. In the case of humans the perceiving mechanisms of their biology and their evolution through time led to the creation of today's culture. It can be argued that through natural selection DNA evolved together with culture, and thus humans shaped their own DNA (see genetic-memetic co-evolution theory). Evolution theory and natural selection are very much based on chance and random events/ mutations and thus would suggest that cultural evolution is based on accident. A more deterministic argument could be that DNA already withholds all possible routes including future ones, and human software only activate particular routes depending on environmental conditions and the complex human temporal intersection. Both arguments can coexist.

In the hierarchy of existence codes, the DNA-RNA organic code is based on a molecular code, which is itself based on an atomic code and so on. This is known as the descending flow as it starts from the simplest energetic unit (in current science these are the elementary particles and the postulated preons) and becomes more complex as it 'descends' into its various manifestations. The descending flow is manifesting, creationist, natural, balancing, harmonious, divine, mathematical, archetypal, simple, clear, deterministic, passive. Unconscious, permanent, immortal, exhaling, lays down the foundations, the hardware.

The ascending flow starts at the threshold between the DNA-RNA code and the cellular code, that is followed by the synaptic code and so on. It is the software stage, constructivist, building using existing material, recreating, analysing, observing, discovering, interacting, networking, imagining, sourcing, brewing, making instead of creating, reiterating, questioning, evolving, becoming more complicated and chaotic, obscuring, abstracting, coding, categorising, naming, Intellectualising, copying, reflecting, reproducing, renewing, finite, limited, temporary, subconscious, thinking, rationalizing. The playing out, the game board, the processing of data.

Each of these codes is based on the code that precedes them, and are therefore affected by each other hierarchically. The 'destiny' of each code is the driving force of the destiny of the code that it makes. Each code becomes the 'hardware' of the next, and the 'software' of the previous.


After the over saturation of culture and the big mess of information and memification, comes the need to cleanse from cultural constructs and memes and return back to the basics. While most cultural artifacts can be disposed of, language and science will need to be designed from the ground up stripped from any cultural references. Again, an arbitrary code can be used based on DNA sequences and archetypes. Cultural memetic studies should look at the connections between cultural emergent memes and DNA archetypes. Memes are not negative used in the correct way.

De-culturalism involves the conscious distinction between pure culturally inflicted thought patterns (including personal habitual patterns) and genetic patterns. It involves the gradual deconstruction of cultural, moral, intellectual, and finally neural codes. It's the decoding, understanding and appreciation of each successive code, and the immersion into the next. Conscious backtracking and pattern reading. The codes to be decoded are successively: cultural, moral, intellectual, instinctual, neural, cellular, genetic, molecular, atomic and particular.

It's the era of decoders, programmers, artificial life scientists, genetic engineers, neurolinguistics, genetic linguistics, neural interfaces and networks, objective truth, self and world discovery, deconstructing and reconstructing the truth, temporal awareness and physics, revelation of and return to the source, personality clusters, molecular engineering and nanotechnology. A culture obsessed with code, decoding, eliminating, simplifying, connecting the dots, unveiling, return to the roots, being fully conscious, universal Darwinism, history of the universe, understanding of purpose, quantum manipulation.

The diagram shows the various connections and interactions of emergent codes. Existence is separated into three stages, the hardware stage, the software stage and the reversal stage. These can be seen as part of a circle or perhaps a more fitting symbol would be the ouroboros, but to emphasise the descent-ascent-reveral and facilitate the comprehension of interacting codes it is presented as an inverted triangle. Each stage manifests itself into 7 successive codes that are part of a continuous spectrum (separated for intellectualising purposes). The dotted radial lines between each code show the interconnections between the various stages, so that each code from the first stage corresponds with its opposite code in the software stage, while both stages correspond with the third stage in the reverse. Each large dot represents a key stage in the evolution, a leap between one stage to another but also a threshold or buffer between the stages. The middle of the triangle aptly named nirvana, is a point that can be reached from any point in the hierarchy (although especially from the 3 key points) and represents the peaceful source of everything, the centre that stirs the cycle but always remains outside it.

The first stage shows the flow of energy to matter, from nothingness to something. As energy starts to solidify, it first appears as dual wave-particles, which then coagulate and evolve into more and more complex and stable structures of matter. This interaction of matter creates the known and unknown universe (what is sometimes described as the Big Bang.) At the second threshold life is created, first as self-replicating pieces of matter and over the threshold as the first unicellular organisms. (A virus is an example of a dual matter-living entity on the threshold of life).

The cells kick start a new kind of evolution as they compete with each other to sustain their existence and begin their own game of bio-survival. They ingest raw matter or each other, and gradually develop sophisticated replicating mechanisms. The organisms enter the perceptual stage once they develop sensory systems that can reinterpret matter interactions in order to make better sense of their surroundings and better compete in the game of evolution. (Pre-nervous system organisms react to chemical stimuli through strictly chemical interactions that do not involve any translation of data and so cannot be classified as perceptions.) The sensory systems evolve into complex nervous systems that soon give rise to behavioural patterns such as instincts and emotions.

Humans appear somewhere between the emotional and rational codes, and start to create their own codes through memification that finally leads to moral and cultural codes. Now somewhere between the cultural and global codes, we start to look back at what we created and what we have been given and start to realise our impact on the whole planet but also our own collective. At the third threshold, we become fully conscious beings and start to integrate all human experience and understand our position in the hierarchy of codes. Through deculturalisation and decoding we start to discover truths as we use our nervous systems to reprogram ourselves. We discover the DNA archetypes that make us up, and the personality clusters that we are part of. We finally reach a post-personal stage where we understand the intrinsic architecture of existence and evolve gradually out of a bodily existence into wave-based existence. Once the transition is complete truth and objective reality can be experienced in all their glory free from sensory restraints before returning back into the unconscious to start another cycle.

The small diagram on the left shows an alternative where the third stage is actually the ascent while the second stage is shown as linear or parallel, signifying its virtual nature. The diagram on the right shows the second stage as merely a dot in the grand scheme of things, the point of return of the exhalation and inhalation process.

Thursday, 29 July 2010

Ode (circa 2000)

Had I known, that you knew, that I was you, and wished you were me,
wished you could wear my shoes, which you had always worn only to find
that I should remember to remind you to remember to tell me that I told you
once that we would reach a point where we’d forget each other and we’d
forget that we forgot that we had forgotten that we were these two
schizophrenic twins writing long meaningless poems whose
meaninglessness meant so much, that we meant to be meaningless in our
tiring restlessness, losing our indispensable sleeplessness just to stay
awake singing our tuneless pathetic songs which were so harmonic and in
their unbearable dissonance would visualise the time we would stop writing but
still it has not come, but you have come, and maybe we can start all over

(Some things never change. Love and patience young Padawan.)

Tuesday, 11 May 2010

Mathematical ontologies

All perceptions can be reduced to chemical interactions within and between cells

Chemical interactions can be described as energy exchange (electron release or uptake/ particle interactions)

Energy exchange can be described in pure mathematical language

Mathematical language can be seen as the code that describes perceptions and their underlying mechanisms

As this code permeates or produces everything perceptible, perceptions can only be described by this code

If the only thing we are aware of is our perceptions, then the only way to perceive our own perceptions is to reduce them to mathematical code

This universal code, or unified field is the limit of our perceptions.

We cannot perceive anything simpler or beyond this code simply because our perceptions are produced and limited by this code. One could say that the mathematical code is the ultimate/purest human perception.

The ontological nature of mathematical objects or precepts as non- physical entities is probably what religious and spiritual mythologies allude to with their various metaphors.

Reality, perception, conception, consciousness are products of mathematical interactions.

Sunday, 28 March 2010

Mother suites

Mother suites


As the chemical bonds of her body succumbed to the inevitable force of heat, so did the chemically induced identification with her vehicle start to break down. Just like a dissolving chemical sequence, her self awareness rapidly broke down to simpler, smaller parts - each bit occupying less and less physical space and lasting increasingly minute amounts of time. As each level of her consciousness shut down one by one, she took one more step down that ever winding staircase, forever nearing zero and the impending singular instant in time before that. There was no moment of clarity or enlightenment, the irreversible sequence unfolded so quickly that she had lost herself before she even tried to catch up with herself. Like a trapdoor the outer layer of her subconscious opened up, and she was sucked into the insides of its darkness, cut mid way through the formulation of what would have been her very last chemically engineered thought.

She was now nothing more than a fleeting impression stuck in a tenuous present; a short-lived post-cognitive afterimage of her fading subconscious. She had become a ghost: a congregation of the residual neural processes within her brain, mindlessly perpetuating any persisting imprints within the last remaining functional nerves. The electrical signals having no feedback to reflect on and no synapses to terminate to, would release the last bits of information within their potentials and would whither and die. As the organic crust of proteins, fats and cellular structures was ripped apart, there was a measurable change in the order of fermions and bosons that permeated her scorching carcass; yet behind the velvet veil of ups and Downs, charms and strangeness it was as if nothing had happened. The same old message passed through them, the same continuous, steady tone, and within it the faint voice of what used to be Yolanda.

Carried by the sewers of unconscious, whose intricate tunnels reach the minds of the living, her individuality drowned within the thick flowing pus of the deceased. Her image was now part of the collective jumble of humanity's darkest side, a place of disorientated dreamers and lost souls. Her weak signal would now only be picked up by the mourners' probing tears, desperately trying to hold onto her image. They would receive a noisy transmission flickering in and out of her various versions, an amalgam of her past selves, uncertain of what form to take. She would bring unworldly messages to them, or so they thought, unaware they were in fact perpetuating her dissipating image by reigniting deeply buried memories of her.

She would linger on for as long as her black-clad following needed to dutifully reconstruct a new version of reality to accommodate her absence. Piece by piece they would take her apart, using the multitude of her phases as beams, her ever-changing faces as doorways, their unchanneled love as the roof, her tomb as the foundation. She would be stripped clean of all images stored of her within the river of unconscious, except one – the image of her death. For as much as they tried, the mourners could not conceive and deconstruct it, bringing their iconoclastic ventures to a halt. The photograph of her fiery death would pass unnoticed through the filtering systems of the vast waste disposal network, to finally be excreted into the ocean of the imperceptible.


Within the impenetrable pulp of discarded images she was stuck like a fly caught in a spill of tar. Her image begun to fossilise, unable to evolve beyond its distraught constitution. She just sunk in the depths of the abyss, slowly drawn like quicksand, painfully scraping against the eroding bony limbs of images past. Yet, somewhere in the motionless silence of this cemetery of forsaken memories, there was a sign of a faint movement, a direction towards a force unknown. As Yolanda passively drew close to the source, she left behind her a trail of displaced scorching images ignited by her dim yet present fire. It was ironic, yet perhaps quite fitting, that in her quest for redemption she would become the catalyst for the absolution of images that had long given up on hope. Like a digestive enzyme she burnt right through them, releasing them from their century-old bonds that had condemned them in the depths of a motionless existence. As the catabolic reactions progressed, the dissolving images provided fuel and she gained momentum as she moved through the digestive tract she had created towards the humming source.

In the center of the abyss, a dimensionless vortex breathed in its guts the forgotten images, and breathed out blank templates that bubbled through the mucky ocean and up into an unformed atmosphere, the realm of clean slates. Sucked in one of these cosmic bubbles, she floated above the ocean and beyond the stratosphere of human perception. She travelled past the ever winding planets and exoplanets, the swirling nebulae and colliding galaxies, into the fuzzy blackness of space.

Trapped at the moment of her death with eyelids, arms and legs wide apart, she stared back at her burning self surrounded by the curved mirroring surface of the bubble. She was in a solitary prison, her only companion the imperceptible image of her flaming eyes. That is how I found her, wings on my back, during my desperate search at the boundaries of spacetime and of my own darkest thoughts. With my bare hands I tried to break through her cell and awake her from her relapsing nightmare, but the wall was impermeable. I was neither an angel, nor a saviour, my supernatural powers limited to conjuring images but not interacting with them, (I was just a passive dreamer.) I reluctantly let go of that thought and she slipped away from my fingers shrinking into the unreachable distance.


Cross legged she sits in the midst of pure white mist. Pale pearl skinned snakes hiss beside her, intertwining in sex they surround her.

She cannot see me, for her eyes are blindfolded with a cloth soaked in the river Lethe. She cannot hear me, for her ears have been closed with wax to block the mourners' call.

She doesn't move, yet her skin stirs, iridescent and transient like a chameleon, continuously shifting like the scales of a python. It simultaneously reflects and absorbs the surrounding dense white light, uncertain of what form to take plight.

The overly Sexed snakes tie her down like ropes, and in their incestuous passion they penetrate
Her. They break through every part of her crust-covered hollow body, crawling into every crevice they can find. Bursting with semen they reproduce within Her, giving birth to the embryonic parts of her newly constructed insides.

Pregnant now with a brand new self consciousness, she is released from her sensory constraints. She looks at me and smiles without recognition, she is indeed a new pure being. Unaware that dripping from her nipples is sweet honeydew remembrance, she offers me a handful. With a warm, innocent embrace she invites me on her lap, and with a tear I suck on a memory I have never forgotten.


She awoke in white linen embraced by the light. She looked around her to see familiar people surround her, she looked inside her to find the people she contained. Somewhere in there she found Yolanda, an embryo peacefully floating inside her amniotic sac. She picked up the sac and examined this fragment of herself closely. The embryo's consciousness was bubbling inside, bursting to come out; the message it carried all this time was finally ripe. She took a bite from this majestic fruit, its juices flowing into her throat, and molecule by molecule she read the code written onto its sugars.

As it unraveled like a scroll, the once dormant code of what used to be Yolanda was activated bit by bit within the infinite chain of messages that had accumulated over eons of timelessness. Her message was loud and clear, permeating the nucleus she was a part of, causing the cell it occupied to release the corresponding transmitters, finally creating a momentary thought in the mind of the super being that contained her.

The echo of her outcry finally reached me one lucid night. She was beaming as she communicated her truth to me, the revelation she was trying to share with me all along. The people around her were in celebration, a banquet being held for her incredible contribution. I tried to listen carefully but the party was too loud and her honey-covered sweet lips were too mesmerising. The message did not register and I would find myself writing a poem about a letter never received.

a book about a play

This is a book about a play. I play the writer who writes this book. He is writing a book about the play as it plays out. The characters in this play are unaware that a book is being written about them acting in a play. Indeed, only the writer is aware that he is a character within this play because he is his own creation. A character in a play within a play, writing a play about himself in a play within play. This is the kind of play this book is about. The character is as trapped as the writer writes him to be, the writer himself being the character finding oneself as the writer of his own destiny. Driven by the need to fulfill his destiny, the writer writes the story of the character that is writing about the play he finds himself in. The great complexity of this predicament means that this book is written in the varying perspectives just being described.

The main character of the play is Yolanda. In this interplay of plays, the writer tells Yolanda she is the star of the play he is writing. She subsequently lives out this play as it is being written. Her character was created to fulfill this very book. A book called 'Yolanda'. She also happens to be the only one who manages to escape the vicious circle of intertwining plays and prose. After her escape she leaves behind a vacant character whose destiny has been unwritten, remaining fossilised in time and space. After her purposeful deletion from the play, the writer has no option but to write about the destiny of a character frozen within the writer's mind.

The neurogenetic connection

The nervous system is the only interface we have as living humans to interact with the world. Everything is mediated and processed by the nervous system. In the simplest terms a nervous system is a process that involves the 3 steps of sensing-processing-acting or receiving-integrating-transmitting. In carbon-based organisms, a proto nervous system can be found within a singular cell. The primary sensing organ in this case is the cell membrane, while the sense data is compound chemicals (eg. neurotransmitters, hormones, enzymes). In order for a signal to be transmitted from the membrane to the nucleus and back, a highly complex network of chemical interactions is involved within the cell. Using the metaphor of the body, the chemical chains that occur during a routine signaling process within the cell can be likened to the autonomic nervous system. The chains finally end up in the nucleus/brain where they target specific parts of the DNA, the cns of the cell. You get the picture.

My first experience with conscious neurogenetic meditation:

I relaxed my body, and silenced my breath and mind. I energized the somatic, autonomic and central pathways as usual until I felt the swelling electrical sensation across my body. Then I lightly focused on the concept of one centralised place or cell where I could direct my neural impulses that would order it to release the chemicals necessary to signal to the DNA to produce the appropriate proteins. I was intuitively guided to my pituitary and pineal glands which are important secretory centers. At the moment I did not make this realisation as I was in a state of near no-thought unable to make any rationalizations. At this point my initial intent started to unfold as images of transcribing molecules and protein building machines came to mind. Finally I sensed a substance being released in my brain and I felt extremely peaceful like I had taken ketamine but without the hallucinations and the dizziness. I slept in extreme serenity all night and woke up in bliss.

This experience physiologically was no different than a good meditation session. The only difference was the conscious awareness of inner secretions and mechanisms that no doubt take place during a normal meditation session. This is what the neurogenetic connection is all about, becoming aware of the otherwise subconscious processes, eventually gaining control of the unconscious.

a year later...

a year later...

... and it's all the same. There's not a morning I wake up without her on my mind. I never go to sleep without thinking about her. When I'm alone I'm loudly calling out her name or crying over her pictures. When people are laughing I just think about her. When people are small talking I just think about her. I still find myself unable to believe she is gone, unable to compute her absence. In the busy streets, I see her in women that bear any small similarity to her. When I watch TV there will always be something to remind me of her. When I look around in my house there is always something that reminds me of her. When I look in the mirror I see her. When I dream I see her. When I'm working I think of her. When people talk about their mums I feel sick. When I talk to my family I feel her absence even more. When it's holidays or birthdays I want her to be there. To tell her how much I love her. How much I miss to see her. People come and go. Sometimes they just go. Should tell people that you love them whenever the opportunity arises for it might literally be the last one. I miss my soul mate. The need to repeat these things over and over again. Searching and searching.


... I can now sometimes have sex without thinking about her. I am rediscovering my libido. I am optimistic about the future. I have moments of happiness. I am fully inspired. I have started taking care of my body. I am becoming driven again, confident in myself, and interested in people. I feel once more empowered by the fact that I have survived and integrated such pain in my life. I know there's still a lot of pain to process ahead of me.

Reflecting nodes

The visual, auditory, linguistic, somatosensory and motor cortices have nodes spread throughout the brain which enable internal visions, sensations etc. For example an internal state of excitement is connected to a somatosensory node, creating a sensation in the abdominal area. Similarly, an internal process can be translated by a visual node creating an internal image that can more easily be interpreted by post-cognitive processes. The conscious mental world is a product of the continuous reflection between these meta sensory nodes. A perpetual qualia experience. It is therefore impossible to have an objective perceptual experience as all perceptions both internal and external are interpretations of the raw data that are subject to a myriad of interexternal conditions. Take the memory of an event, first of all the external sensory data that define it are read by the various sensory organs and translated into nervous impulses, then there is the internal data at the time such as feelings, energy levels, mental states etc, that combine with the sensory data to store this memory. How it is stored is not certain yet but it most likely involves the construction of proteins or another kind of codable molecule such as RNA. Now for this memory to be read again consciously by the beholder, it has to be reread bit by bit by a post-sensory node and this interpretation is not only subject to the various internal states at the time but also to a degree of data loss as the coded memory is not read in its entirety. The quality of storage also depends on the intensity of the event, the presence of the needed molecules and of course depending how old it is there might be degradation of the code or parts of it might be compressed for optimization purposes. This continuous process of interpretation and reinterpretation of extra-sensory, intra-sensory and post-sensory data occurs throughout the brain creating a loop between the three. This looping principle is the main mechanism of the brain and also its greatest limitation. Limited within a world of perpetuating qualia and mental simulacra, it can only evolve through continuous access to extra/intra-sensory data, post-cognitive data, and subconscious access to genetic data.

Friday, 5 February 2010


Money is not just bio-survival tickets. A better term perhaps could be socio-survival or symbol-survival tickets. Money is of course a symbol created by societies that aims to aid the exchange of goods between people within an organised and complex symbol-based society. For people to act out the roles required by a symbol-based society, money is necessary for the delegation of these roles. Without money people would have to resort to traditional ways of survival and symbol-based social roles would simply not be feasible. Without money a complex society would not be able function, and symbol-based social constructs would not flourish such as science, religion, technology, philosophy, etc. It is no surprise then that money attains social status and is a necessity for survival within a society. Within a symbol-obsessed society money is needed to satiate the constant demand for new symbols to adorn the walls of its symbolic buildings and infrastructure. The term bio-survival ticket is inaccurate (even if it has a better ring to it), because money is not only necessary for the survival of the biological part of humans, but also social and symbol survival. Bio-survival can be achieved with or without money and society but social roles and symbolic constructs cannot be achieved without money or society. Bio-survival is perhaps the lesser part of the role that money plays within a modern society as it gives access to so much more. The fact that a symbol such as a bio-survival ticket is needed to sustain (symbol-based) culture survival is only to be expected. If humans could feed solely on symbols they would, yet something is lurking beyond the veil of symbols and once we find it as a society together, the need for symbols and money will be eradicated. (Until then, we either have to accept the current condition and try to make the best of it using existing symbols to lift society out of the vicious circle it finds itself in, or abandon society to live a strictly bio-survival based existence. Blablabla.)


A post-symbolic or super-symbolic existence is the next step in evolution of culture. An information based society is the obvious transition towards this, as traditional symbols are replaced by informational constructs or super-symbols. Humans instead of interpreting and sharing their inner symbolic worlds with external symbolic constructs they start to device informational codes. This movement towards a code-based existence means that the new currency will eventually become information. As new codes are being devised, ancient natural codes are understood and decoded. Communication still remains linguistic but it is gradually progressing from laryngeal to informational and language becomes a code to be deciphered and programmed rather than a mere exchange of social symbols. As language becomes a code it loses grammatical structure in the traditional sense and no longer communicates symbols but data. A post-symbolic society is not occupied with the creation and perpetuation of symbols but with the underlying structure of things including symbols, society, mind and matter. This of course leads to the programming and metaprogramming stages that we all aspire to reach.