Tuesday, 22 November 2005

siamese twins

So I was watching this thing on TV about Siamese twins that are attached on the head so their brains are kind of attached to each other. I mean its really freaky as it is – but there was this particular story that made such an impact.

It was these Siamese girls who are like the oldest Siamese twins alive around 44 years old, and who have, well, their heads stuck to each other. It gets pretty uncomfy as it is, but wait there’s more, one of the twins is impaired also, so the other one who is fine has to carry the other one around as she can’t walk at all. She’s also one fat-ass motherfucker, which means that the strong sister is very butch and muscular so she can carry the fat one. (they’re both fat but she’s like this weird kind of obesity, she looks like a pancake) Obviously this kind of relationship between siblings is quite fucked up. For example they play this game where the fat-ass one pretends to be a baby and the butch one pretends to be its mother – which clearly reflects their relationship also. The butch one is also quite antisocial whilst the impaired fat-ass one wants to have a career in singing (??) so she drags her poor sister around to gigs where she has to stand there STUCK on her sister while she sings hideously – and then she has to carry her back home. I mean what an unfortunate existence these two. It is indeed amazing how strong they are and how they are trying to lead as much ‘normal’ lives as they can.

Anyway, my point was imagine this people’s karma. I mean they have obviously plotted this whole thing from before – why would they choose such an existence? They obviously had a lover relationship in their previous life and this is the clarification of their relationship… but why so drastic measures? The whole symbolism of one having to carry the other one around is just biblical. The butch one is obviously paying more karma here while the other one is being taken care of. Forcing your very existence to be so intertwined with another clearly indicates a very concentrated karma – and a very radical one. They have chosen to be truly miserable, ugly, fat and freaks – and together they have chosen to go through this. Perhaps an example of twin souls gone wrong? Two souls trying to understand each other – to be one another – physically and literally. That is such a weird concept.

Tuesday, 15 November 2005

Miserabilia II

So there was this program just now on BBC2 about happiness – in scientific terms, and how to achieve it with scientific techniques based on said statistical data and psychological research. This is quite an interesting approach, but it lacks the very essence it is fighting against, the governing law of Miserabilia (MB). As Schopenhauer said, “The two enemies of human happiness are pain and boredom.” And clearly whatever you do, these things will always remain there – no matter how much you try to relieve the pain, and occupy yourself so as to avoid boredom. Instead, you get this amoeboid multiplication, where the trials for relieving pain become pain themselves, and the occupations you put yourself in to avoid boredom, become boring. So it is quite a vicious circle, and a down-going. That is indeed the slow death.

Just watching this program was depressing, and it was about finding happiness! It was so depressing as the basic message that comes out of it is the opposite that it is venturing to transmit – it unwillingly and unwittingly reinforces the law of Miserabilia. That means, that whatever you do, however much you try you will still be miserable!

Science as Religion
The scientists at the program used various techniques to promote happiness in one of Britain’s statistically unhappy towns, Slough. Some of these psychologists/sociologists – almost seemed to be preaching the concept/state of happiness. This preaching almost, dare I say, had a religious quality to it signifying a sociological shift that has been on exponential rise ever since the 80s – socio-psychological science is establishing itself as a new religious organisation, based on ‘fact’ which is itself based on scientific research and statistical data. Since the advent of time, science has always falsely taken itself too seriously and regimentally, almost dogmatically which reinforces this religious aspect. The dogmatic nature of the concept of Happiness is what eventually diminishes its very point – as anything dogmatic is usually explained inadequately and pedantically – presenting itself as an unexplainable natural fact, and usually not based on clear logical form. For example, dictating that suicide is a bad thing is purely dogmatic for there is no clear explanation to why it is wrong to take one’s life – and usually refers back to traditionally religious influences translated into modern science.

Happiness is also a dogma itself in this sense, as it does not really exist – it is merely the temporary absence of misery. Moments of euphoria and good spirits are short memory and chemically induced states that can be simulated with various legal (and illegal) drugs. Excess use of these medicine lead to the very opposite though, showing how one follows the other, or how one always governs and perhaps, allows the other.

Statistical Inadequecies
Statistical data, of the kind presented by the scientists are not very convincing. People tend to lie to themselves on this matter, or even submerge themselves in a state of faux-happiness, general numbness or even histrionic avoidance. To get valid statistical data one must analyse each individual extensively, something that questionnaires cannot simply cover. According to MB, “misery is embedded within human existence” hence instead of looking for evidence and statistical data, science should focus more on the obvious and tangible, that is misery and pain. It is indeed the driving force, yet science embodies this obscene optimism influenced by dogmatic ‘faith’ and ‘hope’.

Scientific Ceremonies
In the program they used various scientific techniques to promote happiness in a small community that had a very ceremonial almost paganistic reflection. Singing publicly was one technique, promoting large groups of people and community consciousness is another technique proved to bring good results. Being in nature, dancing and tree-hugging supposedly helps. Scientists also believe that the greatest reason for unhappiness is the fear of death – so psychological therapy is used that aims to accustoming people with death and how it is a natural process while promoting a feeling of euphoria and gratefulness for being ‘alive’. Others introduce basic rules like smiling everyday and doing good deeds, having conversations with friends and partners and having a good laugh. Still, these techniques have a main flaw – they only work at a very superficial level whereas there is always an underlying MB factor that fuels the need for happiness. In fact one of the major contributing factors of MB is the mere struggle for that unattainable, idealistic happiness.

Trivial Triviality
Just like love, happiness is a trivial term manufactured by mankind to name the unreachable, the impossible, an ideal condition that can never be but is always sought for. And there lies the great tragedy of mankind that leads to its eventual downfall. That need for the impossible, the opposite, the unnatural, the ideal, the fatalistic, indeed the dogmatic. This need is what fuels life, it is its purpose. Without it one would have no reason to live – so we basically structure our whole lives around something that will never be or never was. A myth that keeps you going, just like love, God, wisdom, infinity etc.

Miserabilia vs. Triviality
The Miserabilia Law, takes things from a different perspective. Instead of promoting obscene lying towards one’s self and promising imaginary utopias – it suggests honesty and acceptance. It is ok to be miserable – there’s nothing you can do about it. You will never be happy, satisfied or content – that is just a fact of life. Accepting one’s MB will lead to a more calm, tolerant existence that is prepared for death, pain and misery, recognizing them as its natural necessary processes that aim for survival and spiritual growth. Indeed, there is a direct correlation of knowledge and happiness; the more knowledge and intelligence one obtains the more unhappy one is. This makes absolute sense – as knowledge grows so does the realisation of the MB factor. So one might say that yes, ignorance is bliss, but who in their right mind would choose ignorance over knowledge, despite the negative side effects?

Miserable-friendly society
MB promotes thirst for knowledge, thinking and logic and it aims to diminish trivial terms such as love, happiness, feeling, God, unless they are presented in an ironic context. The final form of advanced MB is therefore cynicism in its purest form, a power far much greater than the temporary trivial states of happiness and/or the obsessive compulsive behaviour for attaining happiness. In an MB society, suicide is widely accepted and promoted as a form of cleansing and rebirth. Suicide, though, in a fully regimented MB society is seen as an obstacle to the true purpose of life, that of knowledge and logic – and would therefore be avoided unless knowledge reaches a threshold of pure MB saturation. The state provides with leaflets and information on suicide, and government funded suicide centres are established where one can get suicide insurance and services. Suicide professionals prepare the applicants for a safe death, and arrange family group sessions where the applicant can explain and present his case. The applicant may then have the choice of euthanasia executed by himself or by a third party of his choice or a caring professional. Post-humous group sessions may also be arranged in cases of more applicants within a family. To maintain a stable work force, MB societies widely promote cloning, where an applicant might clone oneself or a partner. The clone receives equal rights as the applicant, and together they obtain a social contract with tax relief. Clone_parent relationships are introduced, where one can have a literally physical relationship with oneself, one learning from another, in a divide and conquer kind of strategy. A gloomy, purple society, with neon bats flying in the streets, and where the sun never rises. Large white statues cast shadows across the landscape and the buildings are all post-modern. All people are grumpy and perfectionists, but with a killer fashion sense. How fab!

Wednesday, 9 November 2005


In the not-so-very-far future, I will decide to go to a shrink. The name of the shrink will be Dr. Margaret. It is a woman obviously as I hate male shrinks – she’s around 35, pretty and motherly. She has quite a posh accent but is very accessible and ‘interested’. She always wears hues of green, and white flowery tops. Her make up is smooth and natural bringing out her beautiful eyes. Margaret ‘understands’. And she will be my new obsession/mother figure/mother-I-never-had type of thing with an obvious perverted sexual attraction towards her for at least a couple of years. This is how it will go. (add soothing female voice for DrM and detached robotic male voice for Mrk)
DrM: So why did you feel like you needed a… psychologist?
Mrk: I’m addicted to you guys, you give that false but wonderful feeling of reassurement and comfort.
DrM: You’ve seeked psychological help in the past?
Mrk: Well despite the fact that my mother was basically like my shrink during my childhood, I was first sent to professional “help” around the age of 15 to ‘cure’ my homosexuality. Obviously my parents needed the help and not me, but I used the time to talk about my general teenage problems and depression. Later on when my mother was going through a suicidal phase, I had to go through psychological support as well as disturbing group family sessions. When I arrived in England I quickly signed up on the university counselling service where I kind of got over the stuff with the suicides and all. And now you.
DrM: So your mother attempted suicide?
Mrk: Yes, a number of times. She took a box of Xanax, she tried to hang her self, slit her wrists, jump off several buildings, and burnt herself completely deforming her body.
DrM: (maintaining her calm) I am so sorry… That must have been a great burden for you.
Mrk: Yes, well, I’m getting over it and so is she.
DrM: How do you feel when you talk about it now?
Mrk: I still find it quite disturbing, but in a detached sort of way, like a very scary tv show that I watched 5 years ago and I still can’t get it completely off my head.
DrM: You don’t feel angry, or sad?
Mrk: No its just that general feeling of numbness, a bit sombre, gloomy…
DrM: So is there something that is bothering you now?
Mrk: Well it’s just that! That gloomy feeling that I have in my life. Kind of like a dark mist weighing down on me. The futility of it all.
DrM: You think that everything is futile?
Mrk: Well yea. I honestly don’t see the point in anything. Why work? Why live? I seem to have lost any objective or motive to go on. Yet I don’t mind living, it’s not that I want to die – if only there was some valid goal I could have my mind occupied with.
DrM: What would be a valid goal?
Mrk: Something that I feel has a purpose. A purpose for what? Can anything have a purpose? I’m confused.
DrM: You mean, you need something to keep you going, a purpose in life.
Mrk: Yes.
DrM: Isn’t there something that you feel strongly about, something you could pursue?
Mrk: Well I like creating. I create just for the sake of creating, for example this imaginary dialogue is a form of creation, but I may also draw, illustrate, write other more interesting stuff etc… But I don’t see creation as a purpose, I only see it as a means to procrastinate, fill all this empty time really.
DrM: Creation can be a very fulfilling experience.
Mrk: I know but only when you achieve recognition, and even then I will feel probably more empty than before.
DrM: You keep repeating the word empty.
Mrk: Yea it seems to run as a theme in this imaginary dialogue/monologue hybrid.
DrM: What about LOVE?
Mrk: (laughs hysterically)
DrM: (makes cutesy wondering look)
Mrk: Well, does it exist? It is more imaginary than this dialogue.
DrM: Time’s up I’m afraid. We will continue this another time.
Mrk: I LOVE YOU… ehm… I mean thank you heh.
DrM: That will be £180 please. (ed. inflation)
Mrk: I have it already in direct debit no worries.
DrM: Well, thank you very much Mrk it was very nice meeting you. (gives hand for handshake)
Mrk: (takes hand and affectionately caresses it) No, the pleasure was all mine Margaret.

Clearly, I miss a good ol’ shrink.