Thursday, 25 October 2007

Ode to Polz II

Inside the symmetrical temple, the divine creatures worked tirelessly to create her. They used only top-quality material: love, power, beauty, energy, and supreme feeling. They carefully sculpted every bit of her being with extreme precision and attention to detail. They gave her powers beyond human understanding, she was, after all, a divine creation herself just posing as a human being. Finally when their work was done, they placed her inside a glass egg for preservation and display. She was probably the most prized possession of their museum of extraordinary entities, a creature engineered to perfection; tourists spent hours gazing at her beauty and absorbing the energy she so gladly emitted for everyone to share. Anyone who laid eyes on her would be blessed with luck and good charms, anyone who received her sparkling energy would be raised high above the ground and into the soft, swirling clouds.

Perhaps she didn’t know her purpose, no one ever told her after all, that she would be the model for generations of humans to come. Next to her glass egg, new concepts were being displayed as the divine creatures worked for this new reality they called physicality. On her right lied time and space, two truly odd constructs that would accommodate these new beings. On her left lied a map of the universe, a virtual reality populated with interesting structures such as stars and black holes, engineered with precision to assure the sustainability of this new system. The tourists were obviously interested in these new ideas, perhaps one day they would be able to experience this virtual reality, but their true eagerness always remained on the image of this beautiful creature and the possibility of a world populated by numerous such creatures.

Sunday, 20 May 2007

Empathy Pains

I don’t like complaining, but I need to get this off my chest. Being an empath sucks! Perhaps it is my experience of it that is to blame, perhaps I am just a not very advanced empath and that’s why I am suffering a lot of times. See, the way I feel people’s emotions is like distortions in the atmosphere, the stronger the emotion and the more ‘base’ it is, the higher the distortion is. It doesn’t matter whether an emotion is “positive” or “negative” in the traditional sense, someone being very excited about something can be worse than someone being angry. It is all about the quality of the emotion, and from my experience when the emotion is self-centred, whatever that emotion may be, the lower its quality will be. On the other hand higher emotions (that are usually selfless) are felt as an absence of distortion, peacefulness, like everything is right. So when someone is feeling pure happiness or love (which is not very often) I feel happy myself not because of the actual emotion produced, but by the calm absence of distortion in the atmosphere. Now, with prolonged exposure to a person (typically after a minute or two) I am aware of the kind of emotion present, the way I am aware this is by feeling exactly what the other person is feeling in his energy body. This would typically be a sting on the navel chakra, but it can take part on all chakras. The most common ones after the navel is the solar plexus, heart and throat. At this point I am virtually feeling what they are feeling although I may not be able to describe it verbally. That’s because people’s emotions are usually so jumbled up and confused that they themselves may not be clear as to what they are feeling or why. I find a lot of times that I have a better grasp of people’s feelings than they have of their own. With even longer exposure (more than 6 hours) my energy body slowly absorbs these disturbances from the person completely healing them, and causing me to go through what they were going through with these emotions although they are discarded from me at a much more faster rate. One can say that I am an unwilling healer.

It’s been almost a year since my empathic abilities manifested and since then I have been trying to deal with it. I tried using a shield but found it useless in public places or with people I am close to. I tried just going with the flow and letting the distortion just pass through me, but that just made things worse. I have found that alcohol completely blocks the empathy, but that sort of block completely alienates me from people and plus I don’t like drinking! The best defence I’ve found against the distortion is creating an inner feeling of happiness and euphoria; this actively blocks my empathy senses as they are saturated by my own feelings. Like a shield this is very hard to keep up for a long time, it can be very tiring and then if I lose it the distortion attacks stronger than before. It is the best way I have found though for blocking people’s emotions in cases of public places and mobs in the streets. The worst thing is when I’m not feeling very well myself, if for example I’m depressed or a bit ill then I’m so sensitive to the distortions it almost becomes unbearable. Locking myself in the house is the only solution but I am still affected by my housemate, and if she happens to be in a bad mood… I’m screwed.

I wish people close to me would be more considerate of this, but not a lot of them really believe or can understand what it really means to be an empath. One thing is for sure though, empathy has brought me closer to people, or more like accept everyone for what they are. Being able to read everyone like open books means that I can see beyond their layers of false personality and get a glimpse of their essence, which is beautiful in each and everyone. :)

Friday, 13 April 2007

The Programmer

The universe? Well, it was quite a radical idea for its time, although at the time there was no time. It was based on a simple code really, with a few basic parameters; its elementary structure was the manifestation of the strange theory of "opposite attraction." This revolutionary hypothesis postulated the expression of two interacting yet completely opposite forces. These opposing forces in their pure state had no characteristics or attributes, the only distinction between them was their inherent division and contradiction. In the core of each force we placed an equal sample of the opposite force, so as to ensure an underlying attraction and prevent their cancellation. With this cross-sampling we accomplished a stable single force with its foundation intrinsically divided yet constantly attracted in itself. This force can be imagined as a disc containing a particle and an anti-particle with their nuclei switched between themselves. Once this basic set of code was completed, all we had to do was to set it into a spinning motion; in effect our part in the creation of the universe was only that of the initial dual code and that first push to set it into motion. After that, everything just took form on its own; of course we had already anticipated some of the first explications of the code, but we only anticipated up to a certain point, afterwards the code would get too complicated to predict.

In essence what happened was that this “particle” if one may call it that, started duplicating itself, creating many particles that, driven by their inherent attracting opposite forces started interacting with each other. The growing in complication interactions between these particles would create bigger clusters of particles that as units would interact between even bigger units. This new dynamic created by the interaction between the primordial particles is what created the first manifestations of time, space and evolution. The latter most importantly was an after effect of the initial spinning motion that we had specifically programmed. Particles work alone or together to evolve into more complicated sets of parameters, and therefore receive more means to react and evolve further. As they move along the spiral like motion, they interact with each other and their reaction brings about a change that is internalised in a loop. Once the particle-group is habituated with this new set of coding it springs upwards continuing the spiral motion, in other words, it evolves. One could then say that evolution is a result of program conflict.

The first complicated programs to evolve are what are called the “Master Programs.” These are very large in space yet quite simple in coding structure in comparison to the “Living Programs”. The Master Programs are essentially pure equations (combinations) of particles that interact with each other at a larger scale. These include (in no particular order): gravity, electromagnetism, radiation, stars, black holes, galaxies, nebulae, dark matter, elemental matter, minerals, crystals, atoms, quanta. Note how all these are interrelated with one another, forming groups and sub-groups. Once all the Master Programs are established we come to the end of the first wave of explication of code.

The second wave of program evolution came about when the Master Programs, having reached a saturated state of complication of code started creating more complex structures, the “Living Programs” as aforementioned. This new set of programs in comparison to their ancestors, were very compact containing far more information yet occupying a miniscule amount of space. This meant that they did not possess the global scale influence that the Master Programs had, although they themselves were largely influenced and motivated by the Master Programs as a basic background framework. Examples of the first manifestations of this complicated set of codes include proteins, and early forms of nucleic acids. These new programs, following the primordial notions of movement, action, reaction, interaction and reproduction kick-started their own game of evolution among themselves (always with the Master framework as a backdrop) that itself evolved to a new dynamic called “survival”, or in simple terms, the perpetuation of a particular set of code.

I guess the point of this experiment was to prove that through an oxymoron, a paradoxical set of coding, an anti-reality if you may, we could create (anti-)entities capable of experiencing or producing reality in themselves. Capable of realising that the reality that surrounds them can only be anti-reality, and henceforth devising and discovering ways of uniting with the real world. What we had in fact proven was that it was possible for a perfectly complete individual living entity to be born out of nothing, well, almost nothing. It was an interesting experiment, aye, it ignited some heated debates at its time but like all fads, it just faded away at some point, abandoned, left in its own devices. Now and then I wonder whether there are still living entities in there, wondering why their world is so absurd, trying to find their way out…

The truth is… “nobody” actually programmed this system you call the “universe.” The programmer of the universe was programmed by the programmer of his own universe; just another program created by another program in the grand hierarchy of programs…

Wednesday, 14 February 2007


Ultimate Reality Check / ReEvaluation

I have been having a hard time (psychologically) for over a week now; the last time such an extended depression had occurred was around the beginning of December. My problem at the time was feeling completely dissociated from the physical world and so I started a grounding procedure that led to a very positive and content mood. My heart chakra was fully balanced and I felt a pure love for everyone and everything, the beauty I saw everywhere was so immense that at times I felt like crying. At nights, I stopped involuntarily projecting to other planes and instead remained in the dream plane where I spent time with my family. Yet I find myself depressed again, and this time I seem to find no reason. I’ve become very anti-social and have been manically cleaning; I have no appetite nor care about self-maintenance. The sky is permanently dark and grey. My insight last time was that depression is self-indulgent, so I let my self indulge but now it’s time to spiral above my ego, and back to living in the present. I found this “manifesto” that I’ve written in June and I have found it to be quite powerful to read, it completely sobers me up and puts me into focus. I have made some adjustments, and will use this as a tool whenever something feels wrong.

(Speaking of wrong though, there is something fishy going on in a spiritual level, something is brewing, a change is poking from the other side, trying to manifest. Polz has felt it also although she sees it more as an internal transformation whereas I see it as a global one. It doesn’t feel good nor bad, it’s just neutral, like this smoke coming in between things and slightly blurring them, taking them out of focus and perhaps transforming them into something else. Something is definitely going on.)

Friday, June 2, 2006: “The following manifesto is version ∞ because it has been written/expressed an almost ∞ number of times in the past in my various diaries, sketchbooks, poems, trances, trips and dreams. It is the ultimate check of reality checks, it is the divine reminder, the road to the “formidable” exit. This new version marks the realisation of this set of rules as constants, thought manifestations of a message sent a long time ago. In other words, it is a survival guide for old soles like me and you.”

- I am more than my physical body.
- I am more than the sum of all of my thoughts.
- Every day is a new day, and I am a new person.
- I have chosen to enter this vehicle.
- I love myself and my body.
- I have chosen the course of this material life life.
- I am fully in control of this life.
- I am learning through the experience of material life.
- I am sharing the experience of material life.
- I am a part of a larger personality cluster.
- Knowledge is a force that guides me.
- Creation is a force that guides me.
- Intuition is a force that guides me.
- Beauty is a force that guides me.
- Love is a force that guides me.
- Gravity can pull me down but also lift me up.
- Light is the essence of matter.
- Limitlessness is my goal.
- Truth is my goal.
- Purity is my goal.
- Peace is my goal.

Saturday, 27 January 2007


I've had some grounding problems that were causing great discomfort in my everyday life, my excessive meditations and obsession with all things spiritual completely removed me from my physical existence, I'd find myself floating just above my head most of the time and seeing everything from a non-physical perspective. I felt completely disconnected from the physical world to the extent of looking at myself in the mirror and just seeing an image of a mere vehicle, a distant physical representation of myself. This ended up in a short depression period when I decided to take control of the situation and literally ground myself! The same night of this decision I had one last projection that explained to me a lot of things about my purpose here on earth and after that, communication with the higher planes stopped.
See, in order to be a balanced individual, one needs to be in touch with both physical and spiritual planes, one shouldn't take over the other. Now I'm more grounded than ever, my dreams have returned back to normal mundane dreams, I'm taking care of my physical vehicle as my own and I have to say I feel fantastic. When I feel I am fully grounded, I will start a morning mantra meditation to reconnect with the above!

My grounding recipe:
1. Take care and love your body as your own: do not neglect to feed it, daily exercise (gym & yoga), eat healthily, do not smoke, drink or do any drugs, take time to groom it and clean it. Make it look pretty!
2. Meditate on lower chakras, especially your neglected base chakra that can ease you back to earthly existence, pranayama and energy raising to lower 3 chakras.
3. Carry a grounding stone with you, I have an Onyx always in my left pocket, but an Obsidian and other black stones should do the trick.
4. Apply an Amethyst on your forehead when going to sleep. This will soften up the third eye, quiet your over-active mind and also give you pleasant lucid dreams!
5. Have frequent sex with a loved one, sex is a great grounding tool that can balance your over-active heart. Just release all the energy from your heart during... love-making
6. Make sure to socialise at least once a week and appreciate people around you, friends or not. Talking about everyday, mundane, non-spiritual stuff will balance your over-active throat chakra.