Tuesday, 4 July 2006

Anti-Reality

In the course of exploring my astral capabilities I seem to have commenced a reversal of the hierarchy of my perceptions. The physical world is steadily losing its credibility, its “materiality” if you like. I have become subject to subtler energies that had before remained dormant or hidden. People’s feelings and emotions are as visible and clear as their faces – and they are becoming harder and harder to control. Places, trees and animals all of a sudden have acquired a more substantial subsistence. My chakras are reacting spontaneously to a variety of stimuli. My dreams seem more real than everyday life. I find myself walking down the streets of London feeling that there’s something missing, something’s wrong. Why am I on the ground? I should be flying. It’s annoying how I am still controlled by the laws of this physical existence I had signed-up for so long ago. I find myself jumping in the air trying to catch some current that will position me well above gravity’s influence, to no avail. People around me are so unaware, living their physical lives like they should – in ignorance.

Doubts 
The physical world has become a sort of holiday spot that I occasionally visit as a break from my high-energy voyages. Of course it has its function and its purpose, but it just seems not very accommodating to my needs lately. I am sure I have many things to learn here still, but I don’t see any reason why I shouldn’t be able to learn these lessons somewhere else, somewhere less physical, somewhere more… fluid. Time seems to have no effect on me, a few hours of ‘sleep’ every night encompass so much more than a full waking day does. Every night I discover new facets of myself, my existence and the ‘world,’ that hundreds of earth lifetimes could not have accomplished. Yet I am afraid. I am afraid that this growing detachment from the physical world has come too prematurely; perhaps I need to explore and involve myself into physical existence a little bit more. Perhaps, this inherent detachment I have borne since birth is what I have to fight against in this lifetime and therefore come to appreciate what the physical existence has to offer. On the other hand, perhaps I have developed this curse-gift as a natural progression of my total life-experience. Maybe I am reaching the end of this corporeal existence, with this lifetime serving as an anti-climax to a very long material journey. But where is the wisdom, the greater lesson, the knowledge? Am I going to graduate? Am I just kidding myself? I have made it my life-goal to reach a higher level of spirituality before this life comes to an end – yet this self-doubting is still there. I must remember. I must remember. How could I ever have forgotten?

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