Tuesday, 2 May 2006

Overview '06

LOOKS: A frail boy with large eyes, he looks pissed off, arrogant and snobbish. His smile, fake or not is always impressive – it does make an impact. Perhaps he should try and smile more. He is male looking albeit there’s a certain androgyny in his posture, in his face, in his body, in his word, in his actions. He couldn’t help but be homosexual – it was a truly biospiritual occurrence. On first acquaintance or just from a glance he is perceived differently depending on the perceiver: straight men perceive him as a half-male if not a homosexual, but generally dismiss him as unimportant and/or a weakling. Bi-ambiguous men are highly attracted to him as are bi-homo older men because of the pedophilic sexuality he exerts. Similarly, “strictly” top gay men will fell this sexuality. His mega-crotch credentials may attract verses and some btms too, but generally btms dislike him/ do not understand him. Women of all sorts are generally fond of him – he gives off a “hug my hag” aroma. He is squared and rigid, spastic neurotic, and robotic. He is weird.

ASEX: Although always homosexually orientated, he never had a particular inclination towards sex. Despite his countless lovers, one could say he is almost asexual from the aspect that he never really desires/looks for sex nor does he ever really enjoy it. He does like the affection and intimacy that comes from a close relationship, from a preferably older man, and may have sex with this man on a regular basis as long as it is kept brief. His asexuality is by no means a result of diminished libido, but rather diminished interest and importance/priority given to sex. Masturbation for him is a daily routine that almost has no relevance to his sexual outlook. He generally regards penetrative sex of all sorts disgusting, especially when an anus is involved and quite painful when his anus is involved. Sex for him is purely an animalistic function that he’d rather avoid.

SOCIABILITY: His social skills have always been generally impaired. As a greatly introverted child he spent most of his time indoors endeavouring in creative matters while other boys played football outside. Because of his obvious preference for isolation, solitude and silence, he has been often been labelled antisocial, misanthropist, and a loner. The truth is he can function quite satisfactorily in a social environment (not always) but he will be almost always pretending. Because of the energy needed for this sort of pretence he generally avoids social situations and when faced with no other option he can only last 2 hours max on a good day.

LEFTBRAIN: His analytical mind is always working at top speeds even under the influence of otherwise calming substances. Consequently his ever-thinking brain has kept him from having a natural good-night’s sleep since his first thought was formed in his already over-active left brain. He is continually gathering more and more information whether from external sources or internal. This data is actively processed, analysed, and cross-checked by his mind, or stored in a temporary file for later retrieval. Because of the bulk of information and concept his brains handles everyday, it is important for him to let out some steam once in a while whether that’s through prosaic or poetic writing, symbol making, drawing and creating.

RIGHTBRAIN: This brings us to his creative side which has always been his characteristic although a lot of people would be surprised to find that his creations are as much a result of his highly developed developed intuition as of his analytical thinking. Creation is perhaps the most important factor in his life. Since he was born, creativity has always been his comfort zone and his only safety guard for retaining his sanity. Even today creativity is so indispensable in his life that he would probably die had he lost his need or ability to create, to speak, to communicate with others.

PERSONALITY: Where can one begin? His personality is too complicated and overwhelming even for him. One can say that he is a very neurotic person – quite impatient and almost spastic both in his actions and reactions. A certain sense of melancholy mixed with depression is always present even in his most “happiest” moments. Very critical and judgemental, he might appear quite pessimistic as he will always point out the negative aspects of a given situation or memory. He is greatly detached from material/earthly needs as well as from people in general. He does however exhibit a great capacity to love to a few chosen ones, although they may not completely realise that they are “chosen.” Because of his elitist tendencies he appears generally snobbish and/or unapproachable. An admitted perfectionist, he is NEVER satisfied, content, happy or excited. Despite all these negative traits, he has always been admired and stalked by a variety of people. This is attributed to his apparent confident/strong personality and his uncontrollable streak of rebelliousness and intelligence that more often than not inspires people and attracts leeches and weaklings like moths to a flame. These “stalkers” perhaps hope to cash-in a bit of personality, which he obviously has plenty of.

SPIRITUALITY: Parallel to creation, he also puts great weight onto his spiritual side. Early on he has come to the decision or perhaps revelation that this life’s point would be to develop his spirit as much as possible to ensure that he is a step closer to completion. Perhaps this is an emotional reaction, perhaps a karmic response, either way it seems the only logical conclusion would be to meditate, phase and astral project in order to remain in touch with the real world and ensure the least attachment to this world of illusions. It is still the beginning and he has much to face and much to learn in this awful physical existence. His continuous psychic expansion validates his disillusionment and therefore eases this game of half-life he has entered. If he has come here for a purpose, is it perhaps to break all human ties? Is it to accept the low-life humans that surround him? Is a greater lesson coming up? Most probably. Now he will go back to sleep.

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