Thursday, 21 September 2006

Sacrifice

This psychic hobo in the street told me that now that I have overcome my great traumatic experience, it is time to understand it, to understand why it happened, to find its purpose. It actually hadn’t occurred to me to see it from that perspective, I mean obviously things happen for a reason but the reason or even the existence of a reason had always eluded me. I was perplexed, what could possibly be the point of those 2 years of absolute hell on earth? I tried to think of what things had changed from before the events and after, but due to my memory gaps from that period and due to my self’s highly sophisticated systems of self-protection I could not even fathom some sort of explanation. All I could see was the negative aspects of it: I have been thoroughly traumatised for life, and the scars will never ever heal, I will be forever defined by that awful experience, and I will be always reminded of it when I see her. I have repeated all this in my blog so many times and it all seems so detrimental. Finally, I found a possible answer. The point of this two year torment was in fact a sacrifice. She sacrificed her own well-being, her own spiritual advancement for our sake. Her shock treatment caused me to totally reinvent myself through losing myself. In fact, we have all been totally transformed by it including her. She has pushed our karmic paths a notch upwards, she literally burnt shit-loads of unresolved karma in a matter of 2 years. Perhaps she took quite drastic measures, but the karma she has resolved and helped us resolve has all saved us eons of lives on this earth. This is such a positive solution I have come up with, it even surprises myself, the book must end with this positive theme. I was already close to finishing my life on this material world, but it seems after the events my time is almost up, I wouldn’t even be surprised if this is my last life here although maybe I’m being a bit too positive here. It is clear that I have made a great sacrifice for her in the past, I mean I did die for her in our previous life… could this be her paying back? I will never know until I manage to see that fucking previous life of mine clearly. It would make sense considering how intimate we were in our previous life and this karmic connection is still strong, perhaps too strong. That is why I’m contemplating over the fact that perhaps with her doing she has cut many karmic ties between us and between him. It could well be the other way. But since I’ve decided to be more positive then I will go for the sacrifice, all-for-the-best concept.

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